Where I left off…

I forgot my parking pass…but I didn’t get a ticket! Tonight is “sloppy joe” night (i.e. sloppy joe, potato chips and pickles on a bun). The little white beast actually purred when I pet him (he’s been so much more pleasant since his wanglyhoos were removed..*rae*…hmmm). I got a lot of work done today (i.e. I actually started to focus). Right now we are watching “Mulan”. This weekend hubs and I are going out on a date (or two). My kids like to hang out with Hubs and I. Hubs is out picking up some diet Coke and ice cream. He (Hubs) loves me. Yeah, he loves me a lot. Even when I am being a curmudgeon. And believe me that is something. Maybe God really is listening…and I need to listen back.

Of course…the girls are driving me nuts with their bickering…but beggars can’t be choosers.

*This post brought to you by large amounts of caffeine and sugar.

I’ve decided that is just not worth my sanity to ignore it any longer.  No matter what I do, it is just there…kinda hanging out.  Of course, I could be interpreting it all wrong.  I mean, who really knows what a stapler thinks?   

I know it is mostly my own fault.  I mean, no one likes to be used and then placed back on the shelf.  I know I don’t like it.  I guess I just didn’t want to invest in another high maintenance, complicated relationship.  I like it convenient.   

I mean, what could we possibly talk about anyway?  How many sheets of paper that it can secure together?  Staple jams?  Or maybe keeping a better hold on those errant prongs that sometimes catch my thumb when I try to reload?  Speaking of which, I need to talk to them about that…but I know once I do the tape dispenser is just going to get jealous.

It is official. This week sucks.

This morning I forgot my parking pass, so I will probably be greeted by a ticket when I get to my car this afternoon.

Then…while I was waiting for the bus, it pulled up and completely passed me. I had to run up to catch it, and THEN the bus driver just shooed me away and wouldn’t open the door. I was a mixture of flabbergasted and appalled.

Seriously.

He wouldn’t open the door.

So I had to wait for the next bus in bitter 12 degree weather. I was mad enough that I actually didn’t feel the cold. You betcha I made a complaint. It is too bad I was fuming too hard to get the bus number.

I won’t mention what happened last night, but it was rotten. And so far I have made more mistakes at work than I care to relay.

I want a week January 29-Feb 2 redo.

I am in utter turmoil.  I feel like I might know what Jonah was going through when God told him to go to Nineveh, but didn’t want to.  I relate, and it is a very terrible feeling.  Do what is probably right, or protect your own interests—which is also not wrong.   

To say that I have been disappointed and hurt for the past 15 months or so is an understatement.  I feel as though I have an open wound that won’t heal properly without closure.   I know that it is because of my own failing relationship with my mother.  It has set the foundation and perimeters in which I will view all other female relationships throughout my life.  I am supposed to overcome and rise above this though because I know better as a Christian.   

If anyone says it is “easy” to be a Christian, then they are clearly and plainly misinformed. 

I desperately want to keep my writing available to the people I choose to the best of my ability.  And I would like to reserve the right to deny anyone, regardless if they ask, for whatever reason. My husband disagrees.  He feels that my blog is a way to witness, and if the only way I communicate with any given person is through my blog, I shouldn’t close it off. 

Even if the only time I hear from this person if through my blog, though they have made it clear that this is the only contact they wish to have in my life…and I had considered them a close friend at one time. The pain of it is terrible. 

Honestly, I moved my website so that I could move away from this person and let this last vestige of contact die so that I could go on with my life not hoping for something more in the friendship like some dog waiting for a scrap to fall from the table.   The parallel of this to my relationship with my mom is frightening; and quite frankly I am still at the point of trying to protect my perimeters with her. 

That isn’t to say that this person has abused me, just excluded me and my family (declined many invitations, and not extend many more)…So I ask myself why do they want to read about me?  What is the point?  Just sever it and get it over with. So I can stop being troubled by it.  But…what it I am suppose to endure (overcome) this?   What if it isn’t about me or my feelings at all?  What do I do then? 

I don’t know…I just want to stop crying about it.  Can’t loving someone from a distance mean that I don’t let them in on my thoughts, feelings, and struggles?  Or does putting my thoughts, feelings, and struggles on the internet mean I lose that right? 

Must pray…